I was in my early 40s when I decided to learn about ADHD. I was inspired by a conversation with a classmate at my local college, where I was studying for my level 2 counselling skills. Part of what we learned was to talk openly about ourselves and to really listen to one another.
My classmate was describing the challenges he was facing in his life and mentioned that he was seeking a diagnosis for ADHD. It wasn't the symptoms he talked about that caught my attention. It was the way he described feeling. He said he had always felt different from everyone else, like he had always been the odd one out. He felt this way with his family, his friends and his colleagues. It was like he was alone, even when surrounded by people he loved and who loved him back.
This resonated with me in a way that very few things had before. About a week later I decided to look up ADHD to find out more. I didn't set out thinking that I had it. I was simply curious about why his description had struck such a chord with me. I read several websites including the NHS and ADDitude. Each one had something that gave me pause, a description of a difficulty I related to quite strongly. But I still wasn't convinced that ADHD was something I should seriously consider.
It took a lot more research before I began to truly believe I had ADHD. The whispering voice of imposter syndrome didn't help. "You don't have ADHD, you're just incompetent" it would say every time I read something I related to. What finally clinched it for me, was an article I found that described some of the coping strategies that adults with ADHD can use to help them cope. As I read through it, I realised that I was already doing nearly all of them. Without understanding why, I had been teaching myself how to cope and survive with ADHD. I was shocked, I'd been developing these ways of organising my life for years and had just assumed that the problems they solved were my fault. Today I want to leave you with two of those coping strategies that I had taught myself long before my diagnosis. They helped me before I knew anything about ADHD and recognising them for what they were helped me to begin my journey towards diagnosis.
Time Management
I have always struggled with aspects of managing my time. As a rule, I cannot accurately estimate how long a task will take me and I lose track of time very easily. As a result, I am often running late or very early because I am afraid of being late. To manage this, I work backwards from the time I want to arrive wherever I need to be. I work out my journey time first and add in a few extra minutes as a buffer. Once I know what time I need to leave the house, I set multiple alarms. I have found that a single alarm, might wake me up in good time but I can still be late because I got distracted. Instead, I use a series of alarms each labelled with what needs to be done at that time.
So, on a given morning I might have four different alarms set. The first to wake me up, the second set ten minutes later telling me to get up. There will be a third alarm set about 30 minutes after that telling me to get ready. The final alarm tells me that it is time to leave the house. I can function without the alarms, but I know from experience that there will be days when I get distracted by something on my phone or by a game or a book. The alarms are there as a back-up for those occasions.
Appointments and dates
I also struggle to remember important dates. These can be birthdays, appointments and even the days and times that I have arranged to meet friends. So, I have a similar system for my calendar as I do for my alarms. The most important thing I do is to make sure I enter all important appointments, catch ups with friends and birthdays into my calendar. The system won't work if I forget to do that. I then make sure to edit the reminder notifications for each calendar entry. The first one is set for a few weeks before the required date with other reminders set to pop up as the day gets closer.
For example, I typically don't remember birthdays very well. I might know what date they are, but I won't remember them until it is too late to send a card. So, in my calendar, birthdays have reminders at three weeks, two weeks and one week before. There will be a final reminder two days prior which is the cut off for buying and posting a card. For appointments I set reminders two or three weeks in advance. I also set a reminder the day before and another on the day a couple of hours before the time I am due to leave the house. I find that having multiple reminders leading up to an event, helps me to keep track of it. This means that I am more likely to be prepared when the day arrives.
Has this resonated with you?
Are you newly diagnosed, awaiting diagnosis or curious about whether neurodivergence might be part of your story? If you want to explore this through counselling then contact me to arrange a free 20-minute introductory call and we can discuss how working with me might help you.